


Aoba Hoesai

by Cellophaneisastoner



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: :), A lot - Freeform, Admins have a cult, An excessive use of :) by the admins, Doorū has anxiety, Hajime is scary mom, He’s s c a r y, Issei and Takahiro are fucking a n n o y i n g, Just a little tho, Kaneo Motomu and Heisuke don’t come online a loy, Like it’s not small bc they all very obvious but Taro is dense, M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Kyoutani Kentarou, Nonbinary Yuda Kaneo, Other, Please Taro is like a dissapointed mother, Please just spell them normally, She’s mentioned by literally everyone except Taro, Shinji do be annoyed tho, Small Kentaro harem, Taro’s a meme, Taro’s pronouns are He/They, Taro’s sister is there sometimes, There’s gonna be s o m e angst, They meme, Tobio has like one panic attack and freaks everybody out, Toorū is annoying dad, What is with the excessive amount of u’s in these guys names, Yuuji is just there, chat fic, its basically a cult
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:41:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28021839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cellophaneisastoner/pseuds/Cellophaneisastoner
Summary: I literally just wanted to try a chat fic
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio/Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kyoutani Kentarou & Aobajousai Volleyball Club, Kyoutani Kentarou/Terushima Yuuji, Watari Shinji/Yahaba Shigeru, Yuda Kaneo/Shido Heisuke/Sawauchi Motomu
Comments: 2
Kudos: 83
Collections: Chatfics I simp for





	1. Guys, he just wanted to talk about volleyball

**Oikawa** _**Toorū has created the chat!** _

_**Oikawa Toorū added Iwaizumi Hajime & ten others!** _

_**Oikawa Toorū** _

Yahoo~

_**Iwaizumi Hajime** _

Shittykawa What the fuck

_**Matsukawa Issei** _

....... you thinking what I’m thinking

_**Hanamaki Takahiro** _

...... Yes

**_Oikawa Toorū_ **

I suddenly regret everything

 _**Kyōtani Kentarō changed Oikawa Toorū’s name to Shut up** _ **_Doorū!_ **

_**Shut up Doorū** _

I-

_**Kyōtani Kentarō added Terushima Yuuji!** _

_**Kyōtani Kentarō took away Shut up Doorū and 11 others admin privilege!** _

_**Kyōtani Kentarō** _

This is my chat now.

_**Hanamaki Takahiro** _

He’s too powerful.

_**Terushima Yuuji** _

Taro, hun. You are amazing

_**Kyōtani Kentaro gave Terushima Yuuji admin privilege!** _

_**Shut up Doorū** _

WHAT

_**Terushima Yuuji changed their name to Undercut-sama!** _

_**Undercut-sama changed Kyōtani Kentarō’s name to Soft boi** _

_**Undercut-sama changed Iwaizumi Hajime’s name to John Cena** _

_**Undercut-sama changed Hanamaki Takahiro’s name to Meme-kun!** _

_**Undercut-sama changed Matsukawa Issei’s name to Meme-san!** _

_**Undercut-sama changed Yahaba Shigeru’s name to Creampuff!**_

_**Undercut-sama changed Watari Shinji’s name to Short!** _

_**Soft Boi removed Undercut-sama’s admin privilege!** _

_**Undercut-sama** _

Taro!

_**Soft Boi** _

No

_**John Cena** _

I- oddly fitting

_**Soft Boi gave three people admin privilege!** _

**_Yuda Kaneo_**

Thank

_**Soft Boi** _

Welcome

_**Short** _

Why do I feel like I just watched two gods talk

_**Meme-kun** _

I don’t know and I’m scared

_**Soft Boi** _

_Good_

**_Yuda Kaneo changed their name to God themself!_ **

**_God themself changed Shido Heisuke’s name to Mi amor!_ **

**_God themself changed Sawauchi Motomu’s name to Beauty!_ **

**_Mi amor_ **

Awww!!

_**Creampuff** _

Soory my heart just fucking died of cuteness

_**Soft Boi changed their name to Taro-sama** _

_**Meme-san** _

🅱️lz my heart

_**Taro-sama** _

Choke


	2. :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

_**Taro-sama changed the chat name to Aoba Hoesei!** _

_**Taro-sama changed Meme-kun’s name to Disease!** _

_**Taro-sama** _

:)

_**Disease** _

:0

_**Taro-sama** _

_:)_

**_Taro-sama killed the chat!_ **

**_—————————————————————_ **

**_Taro-sama opened the chat!_ **

**_Shut up Doorū_ **

I feel very threatened by Maddog-chan

_**Taro-sama** _

_:)_

_**Disease** _

_Please stop_

**_Taro-sama_ **

No

_**Undercut-sama** _

Taro

_**God themself removed Undercut-sama from the chat!** _

_**God themself** _

Stop ruining the fun.

_**Taro-sama added Terushima Yuuji to the chat!** _

_**Taro-sama** _

_You control nothing_

_**Shut up Doorū** _

.....

_**John Cena** _

.........

_**Meme-san** _

......

_**Disease** _

.....

_**Short** _

.....

_**Creampuff** _

.....

_**Terushima Yuuji** _

.....

_**God themself** _

.....

_**Mi amor** _

......

_**Beauty** _

......

_**Kunimi Akira** _

.......

_**Kindaichi Yūtaro** _

...... I’m scared 

_**Taro-sama** _

_Good._

**_Taro-sama changed Kunimi Akira’s name to Asshole!_**

**_Taro-sama changed Kindaichi Yūtaro’s name to Caused someone trauma!_**

**_Taro-sama_ **

_:)_

**_Taro-sama took away God themself & two others admin privilege!_**

**_Taro-sama killed the chat!_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	3. D O G

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dog

_**Taro-sama opened the chat!** _

_**Taro-sama changed their name to Dog❤️!** _

_**Dog❤️** _

_:)_

**_Disease_ **

Wait thats cute

_**Shut up Doorū** _

My heart

_**Dog❤️ added Kageyama Tobio to the chat!** _

_**Dog❤️ changed Kageyama Tobio’s name to Malk** _

_**Dog❤️ changed Terushima Yuuji’s name to Teruteru** _

_**Malk** _

Kyōtani-san?

_**Dog❤️** _

_:)_

**_Shut up Doorū_ **

_I trusted you_

**_Dog❤️_ **

_That was your first mistake_

**_Teruteru_ **

Wait like the Danganronpa character

_**Teruteru** _

:0

_**Dog❤️** _

Call me Taro Kageyama-kun

_**Malk** _

Ok? Then you can just call me Tobio

_**Teruteru** _

How come he can call you that

_**Dog❤️** _

_you never asked_

**_Teruteru_ **

>:0

_**Dog❤️** _

_:)_

**_Dog❤️ gave Malk admin privilege!_ **

**_Malk_ **

Thank

_**Shut up Doorū** _

:0

_**John Cena** _

:0

_**Disease** _

:0

_**Meme-san** _

:0

_**Short** _

:0

_**Creampuff** _

:0

_**Caused someone trauma** _

:0

_**Asshole** _

Dumbass

_**Malk removed Asshole from the chat!** _

_**Malk** _

Dont speak to my senpai like that

_**Malk added Kunimi Akira to the chat!** _

_**Malk** _

Have learned 

_**Kunimi Akira** _

I’m-

**_Dog❤️ killed the chat!_ **


	4. Have learned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three updates? In one day? Send help, I may be dying

**_Dog❤️ opened the chat!_ **

_**Dog❤️** _

Have learned

_**Shut up Doorū** _

Have learned

_**John Cena** _

Have learned 

_**Disease** _

Have learned

_**Meme-san** _

Have learned 

_**Creampuff** _

Have learned

_**Short** _

Have learned

_**God themself** _

Have learned

_**Mi amor** _

Have learned

_**Beauty** _

Have learned 

_**Teruteru** _

Have learned

_**Malk** _

Have learned 

_**Caused someone trauma** _

Have learned 

_**Kunimi Akira** _

What in the cult shit

_**Malk changed Kunimi Akira’s name to Also caused trauma** _

_**Dog❤️** _

_Disappointed but not surprised_

**_Caused someone trauma_ **

Wait pls why are you disappointed 

_**Dog❤️** _

:)

_**Malk changed Shut up Doorū’s name to Flattykawa** _

_**Flattykawa** _

>:0

_**John Cena** _

_HA_

**_Malk_ **

:)

_**Disease** _

Please I cant breath-

_**Dog❤️** _

Choke

_**Dog❤️** _

_:)_

**_Malk_ **

A door wasn’t flat enough

_**Meme-san** _

PFFFF

_**Flattykawa** _

_TOBIO-CHAN_

**_Dog❤️_ **

Are you threatening my kouhai

_**Flattykawa** _

_nO-_

**_Malk temporarily banned Also caused trauma_ **

**_Malk_ **

He told me I was overreacting about my trauma 

_**Dog❤️** _

Understandable

_**Caused someone trauma** _

:’(

_**Dog❤️** _

;)

_**Malk killed the chat!** _


	5. Hajime, no, please dont

_**Malk opened the chat!** _

_**Malk gave admin privilege to John Cena!** _

_**Dog❤️** _

:)

_**Malk** _

:)

_**John Cena** _

:)

_**John Cena killed the chat!** _

—————————————————————

_**Dog❤️ opened the chat!** _

_**Dog❤️ changed John Cena’s name to Bara Arms!** _

_**Dog❤️** _

_:)_

**_Flattykawa_ **

:/

_**Bara Arms** _

:)

_**Dog❤️ changed their name to Doggie❤️❤️** _

_**Doggie❤️❤️** _

:)

_**Teruteru** _

_Your precious_

**_Doggie❤️❤️_ **

_Sounds fake but aight_

**_Disease_ **

_He can type more than one word_

**_Malk_ **

Of course he can, you disease

_**Disease** _

>:0

_**Doggie❤️❤️** _

:p

_**Bara Arms changed Doggie❤️❤️‘s name to Must protecc** _

_**Must protecc** _

_:/_

**_Bara Arms_ **

_:)_

**_Malk_ **

_:)_

**_Bara Arms changed Flattykawa’s name to Shit!_ **

**_Bara Arms changed Meme-san’s name to Stop it, get some help!_ **

**_Shit_ **

:0

_**Stop it, get some help** _

:(

_**Stop it, get some help** _

_rude_

**_Must protecc_ **

_:)_

**_Creampuff_ **

Can someone _please_ change my name

_**Malk changed Creampuff’s name to Marshmallow Man!** _

_**Marshmallow Man** _

_Fair enough_

**_Malk_ **

:)

_**Bara Arms killed the chat!** _


	6. Put it on, Hajime.

_**Must protecc opened the chat!** _

_**Must protecc** _

_Put on the dress, Hajime._

**_Bara Arms_ **

_Never_

**_Malk_ **

What is happening 

_**Must protecc** _

Hajime got a maid dress

_**Bara Arms** _

_I’m not putting it on._

**_Must protecc changed their name to Dog❤️_ **

**_Dog❤️_ **

_Iwaizumi Hajime._

**_Bara Arms_ **

_WHAT THE FUCK_

**_Dog❤️_ **

_:)_

**_Bara Arms_ **

_YOU HAVE A KNIFE_

**_Shit_ **

_MADDOG CHAN NO-_

**_Dog❤️_ **

_:)_

**_Dog❤️_ **

_Where are you, Hajime._

**_Malk_ **

Senpai, put the knife down and come back. We were going to play volleyball

**_Malk_ **

:(

_**Dog❤️** _

_....._

_**Dog❤️** _

_Fine_

**_Bara Arms_ **

_THANK FUCK_

**_Dog❤️ silenced the chat!_ **

**_Malk silenced the chat!_ **

**_Disease_ **

Kyōtani is scary

_**Stop it, get some help** _

_Shiver me timbers I’m shaking_

**_Dog❤️ unsilenced the chat!_ **

**_Dog❤️_ **

_:)_

_**Bara Arms killed the chat!** _


	7. Bullshit

_**Malk opened the chat!** _

_**Malk** _

Has anyone seen my tangerine

_**Dog❤️** _

I have not seen Hinata, sorry 

_**Bara Arms** _

Me neither

_**Shit** _

_You lost shortie pie_

**_Malk_ **

_What are you going to do about it._

**_Dog❤️_ **

Im just gonna

_**Dog❤️ killed the chat!** _

_**—————————————————-** _

_**Bara Arms opened the chat!** _

_**Bara Arms changed Teruteru’s name to Simp** _

_**Simp** _

>:0

_**Bara Arms** _

_:)_

**_Malk_ **

I found my tangerine! 

_**Dog❤️** _

Me and Oikawa helped

_**Shit** _

Yeah

_**Marshmallow Man** _

Can someone stop Watari from committing die

_**Dog❤️** _

_Watari Shinji if you do I will resurrect you._

**_Short_ **

_...fine_

**_Dog❤️_ **

_:)_

**_Malk changed Short’s name to Tired™️_ **

**_Malk_ **

_:)_

**_Tired™️_ **

_Someone gets it_

**_Malk killed the chat!_ **


	8. Some Yūtaro love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here, have some angst
> 
> :)

_**Malk opened the chat!** _

_**Malk** _

Has anyone seen Kindaichi? 

_**Disease** _

y?

_**Malk** _

He promised he would call me like an hour ago

_**Dog❤️** _

Does anyone know why Kindaichi is currently sobbing outside my house

_**Kunimi Akira** _

_WHAT_

**_Dog❤️_ **

_Shit he’s hurt Kunimi get your ass over here_

**_Kunimi Akira_ **

_On my way_

**_Bara Arms killed the chat!_ **

**_—————————————_ **

**_Dog❤️ opened the chat!_ **

**_Shit_ **

Is Turnip-chan ok?

**_Dog❤️_ **

He will be

_**Dog❤️** _

Whoever did this to him won’t be

_**Bara Arms** _

:)

_**Malk** _

Kunimi informed me of what happened

_**Malk** _

I would like to help kill the bastard

_**Dog❤️** _

Everyone welcome to

_**Shit** _

_:)_

**_Bara Arms_ **

_:)_

**_Disease_ **

_:)_

**_Stop it, get some help_ **

_:)_

**_Simp_ **

_:)_

_**Marshmallow Man** _

_:)_

**_Tired™️_ **

_:)_

**_God themself_ **

_:)_

**_Mi amor_ **

_:)_

**_Beauty_ **

_:)_

**_Kunimi Akira_ **

_:)_

**_Malk_ **

_:)_

**_Dog❤️ changed Caused someone trauma’s name to Best Kouhai!_ **

**_Dog❤️ killed the chat!_ **


	9. Murder bonding

_**Bara Arms opened the chat!** _

_**Bara Arms** _

Good news, the person who hurt Kindaichi is dead

_**Dog❤️** _

Bad news, Kindaichi is now an orphan

_**Malk** _

Even more good news, my mom wants to adopt Kindaichi

_**Kunimi Akira** _

_Thank fuck_

**_Shit_ **

Turnip-chan if your reading this, your excused from practice for the rest of the week.

_**Shit** _

Try not to put any strain on your injuries 

_**Best kouhai** _

Okay senpai!

_**Dog❤️** _

Kindaichi why is your father outside my house

_**Best kouhai** _

My dad left when I was younger what are you talking about-

_**Dog❤️** _

_Whoisthisman??.jpeg_

**_Best kouhai_ **

....Thats my uncle???

_**Dog❤️** _

Why is he claiming to be your father??

_**Dog❤️** _

Holy shit he wants custody of you

_**Best kouhai** _

I-

_**Disease** _

I will commit more murder 

_**Stop it, get some help** _

_He is not taking out kouhai away._

**_Dog❤️_ **

Told him to go fuck himself

_**Dog❤️** _

He walked away after asking for Tobio’s address??

_**Malk** _

_Did you give it to him?_

**_Dog❤️_ **

I gave him the address for the local bar

_**Malk** _

Thank god

_**God themself** _

Your welcome

_**Beauty** _

Kaneo, no.

_**Shit** _

He speaks!

_**Bara Arms killed the chat!** _


	10. First year shenanigans ✨

_**Malk opened the chat’** _

_**Malk** _

_Weflewbitches.jpeg_

**_Dog❤️_ **

**_👁👄👁_ **

**_Best kouhai_ **

:D

_**Kunimi Akira** _

Where the fuck did you learn to jump like that

_**Malk** _

I have Hinata boke as a teammate 

_**Shit** _

Tell chibi-chan I said hi!

_**Malk** _

No.

_**Disease** _

Get rejected

_**Dog❤️** _

_Its barely been a day since you got injured_

**_Dog❤️_ **

_Why are you up, Kindaichi._

**_Best kouhai_ **

Im sorry senpai

_**Best kouhai** _

I was bored 

_**Dog❤️** _

_that doesn’t mean you can do something like that???_

**_Stop it, get some help_ **

Their an angry mother

_**Dog❤️** _

_Kindaichi, your grounded_

**_Dog❤️_ **

_You 2, Matsukawa and Tobio_

**_Stop it, get some help_ **

_> :0_

_**Malk** _

:’(

_**Bara Arms** _

_What the fuck._

**_Bara Arms killed the chat!_ **


	11. ✨Motomu✨

_**Dog❤️ opened the chat!** _

_**Beauty** _

Give me admin, coward.

_**Dog❤️** _

I-

_**Dog❤️** _

Okay?

_**Dog❤️ gave Beauty admin privilege!** _

_**Beauty** _

_:)_

**_Beauty changed Shit’s name to Kawa-kun!_ **

**_Kawa-kun_ **

:0

_**Beauty** _

:)

_**Beauty changed their name to Nico Nico need to kms!**_

_**Nico Nico need to kms** _

:]

_**Bara Arms** _

_Are you okay, Sawauchi?_

**_Nico Nico need to kms_ **

No, thanks for asking

_**Dog❤️** _

Eye-

_**Nico Nico need to kms killed the chat!** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of this chapter, my hiatus begins! Don’t expect new chapters of anything other than the chat fics bc their the easiest for me to update??
> 
> I’ve been lacking motivation lately, sorry I guess


	12. Heisuke is wHAT

_**Bara Arms opened the chat!** _

_**Bara Arms changed their name to Iwazilla!** _

_**Iwazilla** _

:)

_**Mi amor** _

Yall wanna know something

_**Dog❤️** _

?

_**Mi amor** _

Im legally dead in the US lmao

_**God themself** _

WHAT

_**Kawa-kun** _

How?!

_**Mi amor** _

I ‘went missing’ in like 6th grade after I moved away with me or my parents telling anyone

_**Mi amor** _

They didn’t put the house up for sale and people just assumed I was dead 

_**Nico Nico need to kms** _

Lmao

_**Dog❤️** _

Damn

_**Disease** _

Ngl thats hilarious 

_**Iwazilla changed Mi amor’s name to Legally dead, not blonde!** _

_**Legally dead, not blonde** _

Ha

_**Legally dead, not blonde** _

ne way gn yall

_**Dog❤️** _

Night, ig

_**Dog❤️ killed the chat!** _


	13. Tobio Tobio Tobio Tobio

_**Malk opened the chat!** _

_**Malk** _

H-help????

_**Kawa-kun** _

??? Tobio-chan?

_**Malk** _

Im having a breakdown and I’m scared one of my teammates will find me

_**Malk** _

Help

_**Dog❤️** _

Kindaichi, Kunimi.

_**Best kouhai** _

On it

_**Kunimi Akira** _

Yessir

_**Kawa-kun** _

I just realized Kunimi doesn’t have a name

_**Kawa-kun changed Kunimi Akira’s name to Aki-chan!**_

_**Aki-chan** _

Damnit

_**Dog❤️** _

Hows Tobio?

_**Best kouhai** _

We calmed him down and Kunimi went to go tell his coach that he was staying with us

_**Aki-chan** _

Speaking of which, I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a protective team before

_**Kawa-kun** _

??

_**Aki-chan** _

The bald one was glaring at me and the captain seemed to think I did something to Tobio.

_**Aki-chan** _

Wonder how they’ll react when they find out me and Yūtaro are dating him

_**Dog❤️** _

_YOURE WHAT_

**_Disease_ **

_Oh fuck_

_**Iwazilla changed Disease’s name to Hanamaki Disease!** _

_**Iwazilla** _

Sorry that was just really bothering me

_**Hanamaki Disease** _

Yeah no problem

_**Stop it, get some help** _

Yeah, Oikawa’s mad

_**Simp** _

Why?

_**Stop it, get some help** _

He’s mad they threatened Kunimi

_**Malk** _

On a sad note, my mother cannot adopt Yūtaro

_**Malk** _

On a happier note, Taro’s family can adopt him!

_**Hanamaki Disease** _

Yay!

_**Dog❤️** _

Alright, it’s late and we have a practice match tmrw

_**Dog❤️** _

If I find out none of you slept I’m knocking you out

_**Dog❤️ killed the chat!** _


	14. Protective Team

_**Iwazilla opened the chat!** _

_**Iwazilla added Sawamura Daichi and Tanaka Ryuunosuke to the chat!** _

_**Sawamura Daichi** _

????

_**Iwazilla** _

So, you threatened my kouhai

**_Sawamura Daichi_ **

_Iwaizumi??_

**_Dog❤️_ **

Listen here, and listen closely 

_**Dog❤️** _

_Tobio is under our protection, he’s an honorary member of Aoba Johsai._

_**Tanaka Ryuunosuke** _

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU

_**Dog❤️** _

Im Kyōtani Kentarō, Tobio’s future brother in law.

_**Malk** _

Wait what-

_**Iwazilla changed Malk’s name to Confused Blueberry!** _

_**Confused Blueberry** _

:(

_**Iwazilla** _

;)

_**Dog❤️** _

Wtf you dumbasses

_**Marshmallow Man** _

_Back on topic_

**_Marshmallow Man_ **

If you ever glare at Kunimi or Kindaichi again, say goodbye to your knees 

_**Marshmallow Man** _

_:)_

**_Tired™️_ **

What he said

_**Dog❤️** _

_Do you understand?_

**_Sawamura Daichi_ **

_Yes?_

**_Dog❤️_ **

_Great!_

**_Dog❤️ kicked Sawamura Daichi and Tanaka Ryuunosuke from the chat!_ **


End file.
